There are certain sex acts that have developed a sort of cult following, and squirting is one of them. There’s something undeniably arousing about a person with a vulva being able to expel fluids just like a person with a penis. And while squirting doesn’t always happen during orgasm, some vulva-owners enjoy the sensation as well as its visual fanfare.
There’s a lot of misinformation out there about squirting, says Lola Jean, a sex educator and self-proclaimed “Olympic Squirter.” “Given it is a heavily under-researched topic and misunderstood act, this is not surprising.”
If you’re wondering how to make a person with a vulva squirt, we’ll get to that, but first, let’s answer some common questions about squirting.
Can every vulva-owner squirt?
Mainstream porn has led some viewers to believe that squirting is a lot more common than it actually is—in reality, some vulva-owners don’t squirt.
“Some people squirt once or with orgasm, some repeatedly, and some not at all,” Lee says. Still, the majority of vulva-owners report having some squirting ability. A 2017 study found that 69% of vulva-owners between the ages of 18 and 39 have experienced ejaculation during orgasm.
What is squirting, anyway?
When some people with a vulva are sufficiently aroused, they’re able to “squirt” a clear-ish liquid through their urethra—kinda like how people with a penis are able to ejaculate, except in this case, the process has nothing to do with reproduction.
Squirting fluid can come out in a variety of volumes. “Ejaculation might appear as fluid that expels in a squirt, gush, or just a drip,” Lee says. “It can be a huge flood soaking the sheets or just a small puddle or butt print found after sex.”
According to a 2013 study, the amount of ejaculate vulva-owners release through squirting can range from 0.3ml to more than 150 mL. Some bodies just squirt more than others, and hydration levels can impact the amount of ejaculate, too. “It doesn’t mean you did a better job if there was more fluid,” Jean says.
Is squirt the same as pee?
Nope! “It’s understandable that people might think it’s urine, since it comes from the same hole,” Lee says. “While it’s true that people can urinate during sex, [ejaculate] is a different fluid with a different chemical make-up.”
The exact makeup of this fluid has long been a subject of debate, but here’s the latest according to a 2021 literature review: anatomical studies have shown that squirt originates in the Skene’s glands and includes prostate specific antigen (PSA), which is typically found in prostate fluid. We also know that ejaculate differs from urine in its creatinine and urea concentrations.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what squirt is—for many people with a vulva, squirting feels good, so let’s focus on the pleasure-giving part of this magical bodily process.
Now will you tell me how to make a partner squirt?
Almost. Before you and your partner get down to business, ask yourself: Who is this for?
“Squirting isn’t always accompanied by an orgasm, and not everyone finds it pleasurable,” Jean says. A 2021 study of 28 squirters found that some participants felt ashamed of their bodies’ natural pleasure response or found the sensation to be unpleasant, while others considered their squirting ability a “superpower.”
Do you want your partner to squirt for their sake, since you want them to have the most pleasurable sexual experience possible? Or do you want them to squirt for your ego? If it’s the latter, then you and your partner shouldn’t attempt squirting. Ask your partner if squirting is something they’d like to try. If squirting doesn’t appeal to them, stick with other sexual activities you’ll both enjoy.
If you’re both down to try it, here’s what to do next.
First, prepare your bodies. Make sure your partner is well-hydrated. Since you’ll probably be using your fingers, you should wash your hands and make sure your nails are trimmed and filed to avoid causing cuts or abrasions.
Next, prepare your space. Squirting can get pretty wet, and if you or your partner are worried about making a mess, you probably won’t enjoy yourselves. “Lay down a large towel, a mattress protector, or a sex blanket like the kind Liberator makes to make clean-up easy and lessen concerns about ‘wetting’ the bed,” Lee says.
That said, if your partner has never squirted before, anticipating a waterfall might feel like a lot of pressure. Talk to your partner about what would feel best to them. If they’d rather not lay down a towel, that’s fine—you can always wash your bedding after sex if you need to. Of course, if your partner knows they can gush like Old Faithful, they might be willing (and eager!) to use some form of mattress protection.
Take the pressure off.
Squirting should be about the journey; not the destination. “Any time you approach sex with a goal, there’s potential pressure placed on the act that can create potential frustration and dissapointment,” Lee says. “Put that whole concept of a goal in the trash bin and set out with simply the possibility to include something new and exciting.” Remember that even if your partner doesn’t squirt during your first (or tenth) attempt, at least you both had fun trying!
Get your partner aroused.
Turning your partner on will prime their body for squirting. “Arousal will not only engorge the perennial sponge and the urethral sponge making then more receptive to touch, but it will also help build up fluids in the Bartholin’s glands (largely responsible for vaginal lubrication) and paraurethral glands (largely responsible for urethral lubrication),” Jean explains.
There’s no universal way to get a partner in the mood, so if you’re not already familiar with your partner’s turn-on’s, ask them what they’re craving. They might be into kissing, dirty talk, digital clitoral stimulation, oral sex, nipple play, role play, porn, sex toys, spanking, or something else entirely.
Ramp up clitoral and vaginal stimulation.
Every person is different when it comes to squirting. Some people need firm G-spot stimulation. Others need soft clitoral circling. Some vulva-owners can even squirt without any direct stimulation to their vulva. Because of this, there are various techniques you can try. You can and should explore various methods with your partner, and remember: communication is key. “Listen to verbal and non-verbal physical cues for how much pressure to apply, how fast of movement to make, whether to add kissing or clitoral stimulation, etc.” Lee says.
One popular technique involves a combination of clitoral and G-spot stimulation using your fingers or sex toys. “While people can squirt from penile penetration, it’s far more likely to happen with hands or curved sex toys,” Lee explains. “Njoy’s Pure Wand is a favorite; its C-shaped curve makes it easy to hold and pinpoint good pressure.”
You may think that in order to get your partner to squirt, you need to aggressively thrust with your hand and deliver the most pressure possible. This is not always the case. “Everyone’s body is different, and while many enjoy a full spectrum of intensity, these are highly sensitive parts of the body, so they may not want you jackhammering away at these nerve-packed zones,” Jean says.
Get ready for the final “push.”
“Once you hear the ‘splash splash’ sound—meaning your partner is really wet—I am telling you now that your partner is capable of squirting; they just have to figure out how to get it out of their body,” Jean says. For some vulva-owners, that means pushing out using their pelvic floor muscles.
Often, vulva-owners report that they feel like they need to pee right before they squirt, which makes sense, considering squirt does come out of the urethra. This discourages some people from squirting because they fear they’re just to pee. Knowing this is a common sensation can help your partner relax and push through the confusing “peeing” feeling.
Once your partner signals that they’re about to start squirting, stick with external stimulation. “Be aware that toys or hands may block the urethral opening at that important moment of fluid expulsion, so be prepared to move them aside when it’s time,” Lee says. “Some people will ask partners to pull out just before they gush.”
You may attempt everything, and your partner doesn’t squirt. This is completely fine and doesn’t mean either of you did anything wrong. You can always try again if your partner wants to (and you both had a good time, didn’t you?). And whether or not your partner squirts, remember the importance of aftercare!
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS, at Civilized.
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